A Draft That Repeats Itself

Dr. Lee: Come in, Emma. I've read your draft, and I have to say the argument is much stronger than the one you handed in last term. Emma: Thank you! I was worried that the second section was a bit long-winded. Dr. Lee: It is, slightly, but that isn't my main concern. My real worry is that paragraphs three and four make essentially the same point. You use the shopping street you mention twice, once as evidence about air quality and again as evidence about local business. Pick one. Emma: Hmm, I suppose I included both because I was short of examples. Dr. Lee: That's understandable, but one example explored in depth would serve you far better. And then there's the conclusion. You introduce a brand-new idea about parking charges just when the reader is expecting a summary. Emma: I guess I should move it into the body, then. Dr. Lee: Or cut it altogether. Now, about the deadline. I know you believed it was Monday. Emma: Yes, I've been rushing all weekend. Dr. Lee: Well, there's no need. I've moved it to Thursday for everyone, since the library was closed on Friday. If you send me the new version by Wednesday evening, I'll read it before the seminar. Emma: Oh, that's a relief. I'll aim for Wednesday, then.